You are pregnant and you have been strongly hoping to have a boy or a girl. In fact, you have been hoping so much for the outcome of the gender you want, you strongly believe that you are having the boy or the girl of your dreams. And you are crediting this feeling on a strong intuitive feeling. However, it is a known fact that strong desires can be mixed with intuition since your emotions are controlling how you really feel. Yet at the same time, you are nervous about that 20-week ultrasound because deep down you are afraid to find out that you are having a baby that is the opposite gender of what you are hoping for. And, that day comes, you ask the ultrasound technician what you are having, and you receive the answer that you were not hoping for! In fact, you are extremely let down that you had found out that the baby you are carrying is the opposite gender of what you have been dreaming out. You are very depressed about it yet at the same time, you feel guilty about the fact you are feeling this way because you also know that there are plenty of other couples that would be happy to conceive who are struggling with infertility. However, invalidating your feelings is not the answer either. You have the right to be disappointed even though you are well aware that there are other couples out there that would be happy to have a baby of their own who are struggling. Fortunately, there are ways you can be able to manage your feelings due to learning about having the gender of the baby that you did not want to have. Let’s go over how to deal with those gender disappointment feelings right now.
Accept your feelings and talk to someone – You have to acknowledge that you are let down after finding out that you are carrying the baby that is the opposite gender that you had been hoping for. Burying those feelings will only hurt you in the long run. Talk to your partner, your friends, your doctor, anyone who will listen. And in order to prevent anyone from telling you to feel grateful that you had gotten pregnant in the first place, be sure to start off by acknowledging that you know you are lucky that you were able to get pregnant in the first place since many others would give their eye teeth. But after that, share what you feel and don’t hold back.
Allow yourself time – As cliche as this sounds, it is true. Time does heal and as the days progress, you will find that you are not feeling nearly as disappointed as you did when you had initially found out that you were having the baby that was the opposite gender of what you were originally hoping to have.
Question yourself why you are disappointed – You need to dig deep into this one because you need to find out what is behind your disappointment. Perhaps it has to do with a bad experience from the past? Do you fear that you will not be a good mom to a child that is the opposite gender of what you were hoping for? If you are having a boy but desperately wanted a girl, does the relationship with your father or brothers have anything to do with it? If you are having a girl but desperately wanted a boy, does the relationship you have with your mother or sisters have anything to do with that? Whatever the reason is, you will need to find it and once you do, then work with it.
Take small steps – It will take some time for you to accept the gender of the baby you are having, however, you need to make an effort to get there. You can go and buy an outfit for the baby that is appropriate for the gender that you are having. Go and jot down some baby names. And, if you had your heart set on a gender-neutral name, then that is also a good way to go. With that said, gender disappointment is very real. And, you should never judge yourself for experiencing those feelings. Having your hopes dashed is never easy regardless of the situation. However, if you are struggling to come to terms with this after a lot of time has elapsed then you will want to seek help as you may be dealing with depression or anxiety which is worsening the situation.