Youth Leadership Team is AWESOME

Posted on January 2, 2012 by kkailas

So, the Youth Leadership Team is well under way and to be honest with you dear reader, I simply cannot believe how well it’s going. Today’s blog is really just going to be me bragging about the youth Hartford Action Plan has brought into our organization and are developing into leaders.  So, to all my fellow youth development workers, remember, it’s the holiday season, don’t be jealous, and don’t hate. To (badly) rip off a quote from my friend Jay-Z “If you havin’ youth problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems, but an AWESOME group aint one!”

(Yes, I am aware of how corny I am)

Our Youth Leaders are dedicated – we have a group of youth from all over the city that I know I can count on to show up to our weekly meetings. I’m not talking about super-happy-fun-times meetings either. We have these young people working. I lecture them on reproductive anatomy, and they remember most of it weeks later. I send them off to do research on STD/I’s, and they run out of room writing on the worksheets with all the information they want to bring back to me.  We’ve done community mapping – we have our youth giving up their weekends, their free evenings after school, to walk miles through neighborhoods in Hartford, in the cold, in the rain, without complaints or whining to figure out where condoms and contraceptives are available in the neighborhoods with the highest rates of teen pregnancy. Impressive, I know.

Our Youth Leaders are motivated – I can’t tell you how many times we’re having a discussion, and they want to take action, bring it to their school, get the ball rolling, do something to reduce the teen pregnancy rate in their city. We recently watched a short movie about HIV/AIDS and they immediately wanted to show that movie to their classmates, write their own scripts, pass out condoms at their school and watch the other movies in the series. Not just teen pregnancy either. These amazing young adults want to help their communities in a variety of ways. I had just finished telling them about an important project I needed them to work on. I had just gone over a whole mess of things they needed to accomplish, in a relatively short amount of time, and do you want to know what they came back at me with? “OK, that sounds great Mr., can we also do a thanksgiving food drive to help feed those less fortunate?”

“Uhhh, yes please”

Who does that? How many groups of teenagers (forget teenagers, how many groups of adults) do you know that want to take on more projects because they think it’s the right thing to do? Not only was this entirely their idea, but I challenged them to set it up, advertise, and organize the food drive by themselves. And you know what? They did it. Literally, all I did was get some movie tickets donated; our youth leaders took care of the rest.

Getting into the holiday spirit, I feel I must be honest with you, dear reader. I didn’t write this just to brag (although it does feel good). We all know what kind of reputation teenagers have, particularly teens in urban areas. Obviously, there are always going to be a few bad apples, but, I’m telling you, us adults better watch out. (We better not cry, better not pout, I’m tellin you why…) Because the next generation is coming, and from what I’ve seen, they’re coming with a vengeance, they’re coming with a purpose, and they aim to get things done. Can’t wait.
This weeks fun facts:

A group of porcupines is called a prickle. (you can’t make that up)

Carrots were originally purple.

Gold is formed in an exploding super-nova  and the only reason its found here on earth is because the gold molecules were either caught up with the rest of the dust and matter spinning and cooling into the planet earth as the milky way galaxy was being formed, or it was delivered here by asteroids and meteorites. Scientists are also hypothesizing that there are entire planets made up of diamond.  How long before a Kardashian tries to make it into a ring?

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From a Teen’s Perspective

Posted on June 29, 2011 by kkailas

Guys Perspective: Guys like to go out with friends to hook up girls; you know talk some game to a random (stranger). Guys don’t want to be in a serious relationship with a female, may be because their not ready to, they just want some casual sex, and to do that they go out to bars, clubs, and gyms to meet women. I know guys and girls like to have fun going out but, sometimes I it find it ignorant that a guy go have sex and know the possible  consequences, such as getting a girl pregnant, and  STD’s. And the younger guys out there are looking up too their guy friends and family. I say that it won’t hurt when you go out and just get to know the female before having sex; to get know what she’s about. It also won’t hurt just to date a person; and you don’t have to get into a relationship with them, just casual date. I know sometimes women today can be trouble and all about drama, wanting you to take care of them and some are just Golddiggers. I think by doing this it would set better examples for the youth.

Girls Perspective: As a young woman I feel like my generation is changing things, whether it is good or bad. I feel like we push the limits on a lot of issues like we’ve been taught by those that were before us. But now that I think about it I see that no one is really into marriage and courting like we should be, they don’t expect to find themselves with their one true love anymore. Everyone just wants to have fun and have sex with the next guy that comes their way. And for the few that actually want to keep their sex partners to a minimum lets just say it’s rare. How could a girl possibly see herself having a loving and respectful relationship with a guy who didn’t even wait a month to experience what her physical loving is like in bed? A lot of my girlfriend’s friends come to me and tell me about that guy that was so good that made them scream and holler, but is that all we want? I’m talking about lives being put on hold here, where is the dating and the months that we should be spending getting to know each other? It seems as though that isn’t important but what is important is having fun and sharing the stories among ourselves and laughing at who had the best experience and high fiving each other like it’s the greatest feeling in the world . It gets complicated when we think of how many things that could possibly happen with all of these “one night stands” or “buddies” that we all like to keep; it’s a scary situation that probably isn’t going to get any better with time if we don’t look within our selves and question where our self values and morals are. The fact that we could pass on these new found values to our kids in the future is really depressing. It’s something we all should be thinking about, it essentially affects everyone, whether it’s passing on sexually transmitted diseases to one another, or making poor life decisions that could alter each person’s life drastically. As a girl, a young woman, a human it worries me that females in generally participate in such degrading activities. Most females like to think that they aren’t going to “catch” feelings which 9 times out of 10 they often end up with a broken heart and fragile mind wondering why they can’t have a “serious” relationship when they’ve possibly shared themselves with a good amount of guys. Its generations addiction to the fast life that has brought these negative influences and idea’s that are holding us back as young people that are eventually going to be adults with responsibilities, we shouldn’t embrace the idea of having multiple sex partners just because others are doing it, but in fact we should embrace the idea that our bodies are precious cargo and it shouldn’t be passed around.

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This Job = Awesome

Posted on June 29, 2011 by kkailas

I Love my Job

This job is fantastic. First of all, I get to learn all kinds of crazy stuff about sex. (And who doesn’t want to talk and learn about sex?) For example, did you know they cured this guy in Germany of Leukemia AND HIV? That penguins trade the pebbles they use to build their nest for sexual favors? Or that the latest evolutionary theory behind the penis is that Humans developed the head, (glans if your being technical – thanks to Erin from PPSNE for that one) as a way for the male to make sure his sperm was the last in there, and that it would be his genes that got the female pregnant? Most other mammals don’t have a head, they’re all shaft. The thinking is that, since sperm can live inside of a woman for several days, a man wants to make sure that it’s his sperm getting to the egg, not the guy she had sex with a few days ago, and that lip, the ridge of the head acts as a plunger, collecting any sperm that might already be in the vagina, and drawing it out, leaving only his sperm behind when he ejaculates. Scientists believe this is also why men typically lose their erection quickly after orgasm, so that they don’t ‘plunge out’ their own sperm. Fascinating, I know. You can read the whole article here:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

I also get to work with kids. This is something I have done for a while, and I have always found that working with youth is incredibly satisfying, hilarious, and frustrating all at once. It’s that perfect combination that makes you keep coming back for more. I recently had the opportunity to participate in a health fair at a local high school. I had a lot of fun with it, and I believe the kids in my presentations learned a lot as well. I’m basing this off of the sheer number of students who pulled their phones out and started deleting stuff after they learned that sexting can be a felony in the state of Connecticut, and that if convicted a person can be placed on the sex offender registry. At the end I learned that one of the students who had helped organize this health fair was one of my former students when I ran some after school programs while working at that school. It was amazing to see the motivated, responsible, and simply awesome person this student had developed into. The knowledge that any one of the students I interact with could end up like that is extremely rewarding. On the flip side there’s always a few, that no matter how many times you tell them one thing they end up doing the opposite. This is that frustration that brings you back down to earth, makes you stop and wonder what you did wrong, and how you could improve it for the next kid. As hard as it is, I enjoy (after some time has passed anyway) the students we failed to reach because that’s when I learn the most. I like improving, getting better at what I do, and if it weren’t for those frustrations, I think I would lack the incentive to keep improving. It’s these frustrations that also make your successes working with youth feel that much more satisfying. (Insert some meaningful quote here about appreciating the sunshine more on cloudy days, or some such thing)

I come from a Human Rights background, and it’s very important to me that the work I do for 40+ hours a week is meaningful and helps people. Working in this field has allowed me to stay true to my roots. Sex is great, but there is a lot of misinformation out there, a lot of confusion mixed all up with intrigue, fascination, self-esteem issues, disgust, excitement, hormones, media messages and religious beliefs. By helping to clear up some of this confusion, give a young person the tools to make decisions about sex that work for them and avoid an unwanted pregnancy or disease/infection I go home at night feeling good about the work I do.

I also have the privilege of working with some amazing people. My colleagues are driven, hardworking, and fun. (I mean, come on, we go to conferences in Myrtle Beach!) Our interns are intelligent, thoughtful, and come to me with some of the deepest, craziest questions I have ever heard come from a teenager. Truth be told, work doesn’t really feel like work to me – I enjoy how I spend my days, and to top it all off, I get paid to be there!

Fun Fact #1 In the Guns n Roses song “Rocket Queen” the sexual sounds played in the background is an actual recording of Axl Rose having sex with Steven Adler’s (the bands drummer) girlfriend, a woman named Adrianna Smith.

 Fun Fact #2 Scientists at the University of Portsmouth in the United Kingdom attached reflective markers to the nipples of 15 women who had DD sized breasts, and studied the movement of their breasts while walking and running. They discovered that breasts don’t move just up and down, but in a complicated figure eight pattern. They hope that this research will help lead to better fitting sports bras.

Fun Fact #3 This: http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?q=1&reportId=3073

Where are you from? (And how the hell does Canada have a bigger average penis size than the USA? I call shenanigans!)

As always kids – have fun and be safe out there

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Unplanned Pregnancy, is it worth it?

Posted on May 23, 2011 by kkailas

A child will cost you just about everything. Kids need lots of attention, care, and they cost a LOT of money. I won’t get into all the details here, but be sure that you won’t sleep straight through another night, have time for yourself to go out, have fun, chill with your friends or any of that. Having to pay for diapers, formula, doctors’ visits, a crib, etc., leaves little left over for you to spend on yourself. If you decide not to go through with the pregnancy, understand your options. Call your local Planned Parenthood or health clinic to discuss surgical and chemical abortions, and be sure to talk everything over with your partner. Be open and honest about your feelings. You already had sex, what else is there to hide? And, guys, if you think you can just hit it, and the rest is her problem, then you’re not acting responsibly. Like my man Nas said
              “You ain’t a man you a coward if you can’t support the girl you put a seed in”
 I’m not saying you need to marry this girl, but raising a child is a two person job, and owning up to your responsibility means that you’ll be there to help. However, ladies, be aware, just because Nas said it doesn’t mean most guys believe it. 80% of teen fathers never marry the mother of their child, and these absent fathers pay an average of $800 a year in child support.  Less than $67 a month is not going to help you pay for all the things you need to take care of a child, plain and simple.

To my teens – is it worth the risk? I’m not saying that having a baby is wrong – having children can be a wonderful, enriching, and fulfilling experience (so I’ve been told).  What I am saying is that you should wait until you are ready to take care of a child, really ready, financially secure, in a healthy, committed relationship, have a support system, and you are mentally prepared to raise a child. Until then, don’t have sex, or protect yourself. Use condoms and birth control. Live your own life before you start trying to take care of another. Consider this;

Only 38 % of mothers who have children before age 18 obtain a high school diploma. In addition, other data indicates that less than two percent of mothers who have children before age 18 complete college by the age of 30. Over the past 20 years the median income for college graduates has increased 19 percent while the median income for high school dropouts has decreased 28 percent.

Basically, teens, what the statistics are telling us is that if you have a baby while you are still in high school, your chances of graduating are greatly reduced, graduating from college almost never happens, and it will be very hard for you to find a decent paying job to support yourself and your child.

Before you have unprotected sex, stop and ask yourself – is 1 night of pleasure worth 18 years of responsibility? Are you ready to give up going to graduation parties for changing diapers? Is living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to make ends meet what you hope and dream your life will turn out to be? If not, then again, I repeat; don’t have sex, (because that is the only 100% way to avoid an unplanned pregnancy) or if you are having sex, protect yourself with condoms and birth control.

Fun Fact of the Week #1 The Lamborghini Murciélago got its name from a fighting bull that survived 28 sword strokes in an 1879 bullfight in Cordoba, Spain. The bull, Murciélago fought with such passion and spirit that the crowd called for his life to be spared, which the matador granted, a rare honor. The bull then retired to a ranch, and sired 70 cows.

Fun Fact #2 – This one goes out to our intern, Kacey who is studying hard for her college finals. In 1900, an MIT graduate who was studying for his Harvard law school exams died from “Overstudy” During a constitutional law exam, William Parker Thortan Jr. suddenly put his hands to his head, shouted “Constitutional Law” and began muttering nonsense. A few days later he was dead from a brain abscess, caused by intense mental strain.

Fun Fact #3 Al Capone’s older brother was a cop.

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Sex and the Media

Posted on April 26, 2011 by kkailas

Sex and the Media

Teens these days have access to a dizzying amount of media; cable TV, internet, music and movies take up about 8 hours and 40 minutes of an American child’s (ages 11-14) day, and about 8 hours of a teen’s (15-18) day. Rideout, V., Foehr, U.G., and Roberts, D.F. , Generation M2 Media in the Lives of 8-to 18-Year- Olds. 2010, Kaiser Family Foundation: Menlo Park, CA.

Furthermore, research has shown that teens attitudes and behaviors about sex and contraception can be influenced by the media, and an association has been found between exposure to sexual content on TV and teen pregnancy. Kunkel, D., Eyal, K., Finnerty, K., Biely, E., & Donnerstein, E. , Sex on TV 4. 2005, Kaiser Family Foundation: Menlo Park, CA. and others

So how is the media portraying sex and contraception? What kinds of behaviors and attitudes are our teenagers learning from this deluge of media? I must admit, my own bias (adultism anyone?) was to look for all the terrible things TV and music were brainwashing our kids with. However, the more I looked, the more I realized this wasn’t necessarily the case. To be sure, there are plenty of songs/shows/movie scenes/websites that glorify and glamorize sex, without showing any consequence or use of protection. For example, a sampling of some of the most popular songs on MTV;

The most viewed music videos from the last 30 days on MTV were:

#1.) Katy Perry, E.T – “You’re not like the others, futuristic lover…Kiss Me, Ki-Ki-Kiss me, infect me with your love”

#2.) Bruno Mars, The Lazy Song – “Tomorrow I’ll Wake Up Do Some P90X Meet A Really Nice Girl Have Some Really Nice Sex She’s Gonna Scream Out “This Is Great!” (Oh My God! This Is Great!)”

#3.) Maybach Music Group – Pandemonium “Step out on the block all the bitches they still in shock
Get a piece of pussy then take my niggas to shop”…” “I’m like one’s for the money, two’s for the show of it Three’s for the bitches that be fucking for the ho of it”…” Fuck your girl, give her back I’m courteous
I can keep a secret with Vicky have a menage with Nicki And be out London with Lauren and telling Megan Good morning Catch me rolling with Kelly or at the Hilton with Paris
From Hollywood to the hood, I want a mom and I swear that I want em all Wanna fuck em all”

#12 Britney Spears – Hold it Against Me – “Gimme something good Don’t wanna wait I want it now!
(Na-Na-Now) Pop it like a hood And show me how you work it out Alright If I said my heart was beating loud
If I said I want your body now Would you hold it against me?”

However, there are plenty of songs written by very famous artists that do talk about the consequences of unprotected sex. For example:

Eminem feat. Obie Trice – Drips “that’s how dudes be getting sick, that’s how dicks be getting drips, falling victims to this shit, from these bitches on our dicks, fucking chickens with no ribs…so you go to the clinic, sweatin’ every minute you in it, then the doctor comes out lookin’ like Dennis the Menace, and it’s obvious to everyone in the lobby it’s AIDS, he ain’t even gotta call you in his office to say it”

Lyfe Jennings- -Its Real “Shawty, she wants to be my Lover So excited, I forgot to Stop and go grab some rubbers, damn (Uh-Oh) AIDS is Real Dont Care how you feel And yes I want to chill But I gotta wrap it up I gotta protect us cuz AIDS is Real Don’t care how you feel We already Know IT KILLS”

Lil John and Fat Joe – Play No games “Ughh, I been in love once, at least I thought that
’til I fucked around and hit a broad back Got burnt, Now you figure the rest Dick hurt like I’m pissin’ baugettes, now I’m livin’ depressed Should have known better”

Lady Gaga, MTV icon, wore a condom dress on Good Morning America to promote safe sex and AIDS awareness “I want to get people started at home at a younger age with their children talking about HIV, talking about AIDS, talking about safe sex,” She also promoted a line of lip gloss and lipstick that donates all of its sales to AIDS causes.

While MTV is responsible for supplying Teens with a ton of sexually charged music, it is also responsible for bringing us the shows 16 and pregnant, and Teen Mom. The show has its critics, such as Tracy on Feministing.com, an online community for feminists and their allies, who states that

“Even though the show does bring into the spotlight the realities, (even going so far as to say at the beginning that teenage pregnancy is 100% preventable and all that) it clearly has been glorifying teenage pregnancy in a big way.”

And

“Instead of being brought to task and being made to take responsibility for their actions, their behavior is plastered all over television, not to embarrass, but to give them the attention they so obviously crave. There have been reports that teenage girls are DESPERATE to get pregnant because they want to be famous, just like the teen moms on the show right now”

I have to disagree with Tracy. First of all, MTV states that teen pregnancy is 100% preventable not only at the beginning of the show, but at the end of every single commercial break as well. They also clearly tell teens where to go online to get more information, and the website is a gold mine for excellent information about preventing teen pregnancy. Also, the show does not “clearly glorify teenage pregnancy”. I’ve watched several episodes, and in every one there is fighting, crying, drama, regret, sadness, and heartache. These girls struggle. Not once have I seen a girl say “Being a teen mom is so much fun! My life is so much better and easier now! I love all this added responsibility!”

Also, about giving these girls the attention they “so obviously crave” (do I sense some jealousy Tracy?), and the reports of other teenage girls DESPERATE to get pregnant so that they too can be famous…what reports are you reading Tracy? Because the ones I’m reading state almost the exact opposite.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and unplanned Pregnancy did a study called  ‘Evaluating the Impact of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant on Teen Viewers’ Attitudes About Teen Pregnancy’ The study found:

82% of teens who watched 16 and Pregnant thought the show helped them to better understand the challenges of teen pregnancy and parenthood, compared to the 15% who thought the show glamorized teen pregnancy.

40% of teens who watched the show talked about it with a parent afterwards.

93% of teens who watched the show agreed with the statement ““I learned that teen parenthood is harder than I imagined from these episodes.”

67% of teen boys and 79% of girls agree with the statement “when a TV show or character I like deals with teen pregnancy, it makes me think more about my own risk (of becoming preg­nant/causing a pregnancy) and how to avoid it.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Eminem’s lyrics are words to live by, that all of MTV’s programs are educational and uplifting (I mean, come on, we all know Jersey Shore is pretty much the exact opposite of that) or that anyone should ask Lady Gaga for fashion advice. What I am saying is that there are two sides to every story, and instead of rushing to blame everything else, the media, TV shows, music, maybe we as parents, educators, and adults these kids look up to should take some responsibility ourselves to make sure the youth are well educated about sensitive topics such as sex and teenage pregnancy.

Dear readers; My most sincere apologies about forgetting the fun facts! I can’t believe I posted this without them originally. Well, without further delay, here they are:

This weeks fun fact #1 Penguins will trade sexual favors for the pebbles they use to build their nests. Chimps will trade sex for food.

Fun Fact #2 Tom Morello, the incredible guitarist from Rage Against the Machine, worked as a male exotic dancer after he graduated from Harvard with a degree in Political Science. Sure makes this Poly Sci major very grateful to have the job he does.

Fun Fact #3 – Bamboo can grow up to 3 feet in 24 hours.

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LTR or ONS?

Posted on April 19, 2011 by kkailas

Long Term Relationship Vs. Hook Ups

Now, I’ve been on both sides of this fence. When I first entered the ‘sexual arena’ I was a hardcore hook up only kinda guy. Why tie yourself down to one girl when you can have fun with a bunch of different girls? Variety is the spice of life I told myself. I thought relationships were a stupid waste of time, (this was mostly based on watching my friends struggle with some pretty unhealthy relationships) that I would never involve myself in. There is no denying the fact that sex feels good, and when you can get it, No Strings Attached, its pretty awesome, and it made me feel like ‘the man’. Now whether this feeling of ‘being the man’ is based off some kind of evolutionary drive written into our genes, the media and mass marketing taking its toll on my psyche, or something else entirely, is a whole other topic for another blog. I’m just telling ya’ll how I was feeling then.

While the hook ups were fun, they had their awkward moments.  Everything from “You want me to put that where?” to “Oh, I can’t do that?” “Wow, you have a piercing there” And then wondering if the piercing would rip the condom/poke me somewhere. Condoms actually ripping, and the aftermath of freaking out about possibly getting an STD, or getting some random girl pregnant with my child. Wondering if she’s into it, trying to judge by the look on her face if she’s faking it, or if she’s for real. Trying to sneak out the next morning/right after we’re done because there isn’t enough room for two people lying next to one another on a twin mattress, or I’m sober now, and you don’t look the same as the night before. There were a few occasions when I would hook up with the same girl a few times, but after a while things would get weird between us, and it would stop.

Now this is the part of the blog that is going to start sounding like a bad romantic comedy, (Katherine Heigl where you at?) just bear with me, I’ll get to the point. I know now why things got weird. Those girls started to feel a little attachment, and I wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment. I was scared of it, I didn’t want to open myself up, show these girls who I really was, because rejection sucks. I’ve since gotten over that fear. I’ve been dating my wonderful girlfriend for about 4.5 years now, and I can honestly say that the long term relationship (as long as it’s a healthy one!) is the way to go. We’ve both been tested, so I no longer live in fear of STD’s. Her birth control is like 99.98% effective, so I’m not worried about any unplanned pregnancies. Plus, it’s the best sex. We know each other; we know what the other person likes, what they don’t like, and how they like it. There is a level of trust, understanding, and intimacy that you simply can’t get from a one night stand. True, there isn’t that “spice of life” with just the one girl, but then again, there is. With the random hook ups, you (usually) stick to the basics, because you’re not that familiar with the other person, but when you really know and trust someone, you can start to experiment, be a little bit adventurous. Variety can come in a, um, variety of ways.

Now am I just a hopeless romantic, or is there something else going on? A recent study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology reports that people who felt “madly in love” with their partner of several months had the same area of the brain stimulated as money, chocolate, or drugs when looking at a picture of their partner. Basically, the brain sees romantic love as a kind of reward, and to a person in love, the very thought of the object of their affection is no different from an addict wanting their fix or a sweet tooth wanting that candy bar. My girlfriend and I have a long running joke that she mixes crack into her lip gloss, and that she’s gotten me ‘hooked’. Little did we know just how close to the truth that actually is.

While I don’t regret my time as a hook-up only guy, it was fun, I enjoyed myself, and was lucky enough to get out of it unscathed, I am much happier now. This is just for me, I am in no way trashing one night stands, or trying to tell anyone how to live their life, that you need a significant other you care deeply about to have amazing sex. But for me personally, what I’ve learned is this: Sex is much better when afterwards the person says “I love you” rather than “Nice to meet you”.

Fun Fact of the week #1 – Camels can drink 200 liters of water in 3 minutes. The cells in your body would literally explode if you tried to do that.

Fun Fact of the week #2 Kemba Walker set a UConn single season record with 965 points, accounting for 45% of the offense by himself, and set another UConn record with 11 30 point games. Kemba is the first mens basketball player in UConn history to have his jersey hung in Gampel Pavilion’s Wall of Honor while he was still in school. The Huskies were perfect in tournament games this year. U-C-O-N-N, UConn, UConn, UConn!

Fun Fact of the week #3 This is the first week of fun facts. Look forward to between 0 and 5 fun facts per week.

Until next time dear readers – have fun and be safe out there.

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HAP on a Mission

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Regina Roundtree

After a week of assembling packets, designing wardrobe and preparing a sex-ed card game, our mission to re-establish a conversation about avoiding unplanned pregnancies and preventing unwanted STIs and HIV, was upon us.  

We got dressed.  “Got Condoms?” hoodies over our Tweedy Bird and Elmo the Friendly Cheerful Monster T Shirts.  We loaded-up the BIG S.U.V. and flossed-onward [drove-off in style with style], destination, the 6thAnnual Int’l Hip-Hop Festival at Trinity College in Hartford.

We set-up a table, laid out rows of condom packets and removed hoodies.  Empowered with Tweedy and Elmo and SafeSexHartford.org across our T Shirt backs, we hit the front entrance with our deck-of-cards game and prizes.  We approached students, adults, individuals and groups, as they arrived for the event.  Our deck of cards, spread like a fan, asking each and all to “pick a card?”  

Questions like:

  • Can a female get pregnant if she stands up during sex? 
  • Does the baby father have the same rights as the female when it comes to deciding the outcome of the pregnancy?
  • Name two STIs?

We engaged many about the myths associated with sex as we informed them about the facts relating to pregnancy, STIs, abstinence and abuse.  Male and female alike, expressed almost a giddy excitement as they took part in the game.  Many blushed.  And whether they were certain or unsure, they expressed genuine interest in the discussion, and in knowing the facts.  So we rewarded every answer with a gift, which elevated the fun. 

Let it be known, that, Saturday, April 2nd marks the evening HAP used a deck of Sex-Ed cards, prizes and four S.U.V. high riding, Tweedy and Elmo T Shirt wearers to restart its conversation on the subject of SEX with the Hartford Connecticut community.

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Domestic Violence is out of Control

Posted on April 8, 2011 by kkailas

Domestic Violence is Out of Control

11 women have been killed in Connecticut so far this year because of domestic violence. And its only April. What the hell is going on?

Ladies, if you don’t mind, I need to have a private huddle with my fellow XY chromosomes, it won’t take long.

Fellas – I’m the last person in the world to jump on the feminist bandwagon, because girls sure aren’t perfect either, but this is out of control. We need to seriously reconsider how we treat the women in our lives. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding. So what if your partner does something that you don’t like or says something smart that pisses you off? Is this a reason to smack her around, show who the boss is? What are you proving? That you’re a man, you are stronger than she is, and so you run this? She should know her place? Wrong. You’re stronger than her because of thousands of years of evolution that had nothing to do with you, so don’t get a big ego about it. (And ladies, I know I asked you for a little privacy with my boys here, but in case you’re reading this anyway, don’t take offense, women are incredibly strong in their own way, just not as physically strong as men. Anyone who doesn’t believe me is more than welcome to come to our office and challenge me to a pushup contest)Does abusing your partner (physical, verbal, emotional, or otherwise) solve the problem that the two of you are having, or does it bury it just beneath the surface for a short time? No relationship is perfect, but we all need to figure out a way to handle our problems that doesn’t involve our fists.

Ok Ladies, it’s your turn. All I have to say is this; If your guy is abusing you, its not because he loves you, it wasn’t a one time thing you brought upon yourself, and you aren’t going to be able to change him. Leave that loser. You deserve better, and there is better out there.

To all; we need each other. The human race would not survive without one or the other sex. Lets recognize that fact, and realize that we would all be better off by treating each other like we need each other. Because we do.

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The Irrational Attacks on Planned Parenthood

Posted on April 4, 2011 by kkailas

The Irrational Attacks on Planned Parenthood

At a collaboration meeting the other day, an organization we are trying to partner with told us in no uncertain terms that Planned Parenthood could not be a part of anything we did. Now, I understand that every person and organization is entitled to their own beliefs, and I respect that. I am not writing this because I think I’m on some moral high ground, or that the people who disagree with me are wrong because beliefs are just that – beliefs. They are not based on science or fact, logic or reason, but people still feel that their beliefs are fundamental truths in their own lives, and it is not my place to tell people how to feel.

However, if we could, for a moment examine why people are so vehemently opposed to the work the Planned Parenthood does.  First of all, there’s the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. Yes, Planned Parenthood provides women with abortions. Are abortions a moral, ethical way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy? I don’t know. If you believe that abortions are wrong, that is your belief, and you are entitled to that, but recognize that other people don’t feel that way, and should be just as entitled as you to feel that way. If you don’t believe in abortions, don’t get one. Why concern yourself with what other people do with their bodies? What business is it of anyone’s except that girl and her partner? Some would argue that it is also, at the very least, God’s business. God wouldn’t want people to get abortions, therefore it is wrong, and so we should fight to stop all abortions. Perhaps.  I haven’t spoken with God about the issue, so I can’t say for sure one way or the other. But again, why concern yourself? Let’s assume, for the moment, that those who argue abortions are an abomination of Gods will are correct. If a person wants to get an abortion, then won’t they be judged by God? If you believe the word of God is to not get abortions, and you want to follow Gods will, then don’t get an abortion. Take care of your own life. Otherwise, let God do the judging and condemning.

Another attack I’ve been hearing recently about Planned Parenthood is that they help pimps of underage prostitutes and sex workers. The organization, Live Action, which “discovered” this, and claimed that Planned Parenthood had a “institutionalized willingness to aid and abet such sex traffickers” failed to mention that shortly after the videos were shot of Planned Parenthood employees supposedly helping these pimps, they (Planned Parenthood) had called the FBI to report suspected sex trafficking. Calling the FBI to report a suspected sex trafficker does not sound like “aiding and abetting” to me.

Lastly, there’s the nonsense of Planned Parenthood using taxpayer dollars to pay for abortions. This is simply not true. Yes Planned Parenthood gets federal funding, and yes they give abortions, but they are NOT allowed to use their federal funding for abortions. There has been an unfortunate trend going on where people post videos online where they talk about how Planned Parenthood provides abortions, and then immediately talk about how much taxpayer money Planned Parenthood receives, without mentioning the divide. This is a scare tactic, a misleading accusation meant to rile up the public against Planned Parenthood by leaving out key facts. This is like me telling everyone that last night Obama told me that he was going to appoint me ultimate ruler of the world, and that my first duty as world ruler would be to hang out with the aliens in area 51 learning about all their super-cool alien technology (they had the iPad 2 months ago). What I’m not telling you is how, right after that happened, my alarm went off, I got out of bed, and got ready for work. Same thing, only mine is more fun.

Contrary to what Abby Johnson says (that 98% of the services provided to pregnant women are for abortions, when in fact abortions only make up 3% of the services they give) Planned Parenthood does so much more than provide abortions. They work hard to avoid giving abortions. A large majority of their budget is used for education and research. They are constantly educating our youth about abstinence, safe sex, and how to use protection. In fact, 83% of the people who walk into a Planned Parenthood clinic will receive services and education on how to prevent an unintended pregnancy. Think about that for a second. Why would Planned Parenthood spend so much if its time and resources trying to prevent people from having unintended pregnancies, if abortions are, as some claim “their main source of corporate income.” When was the last time you walked into a clothing store and they lectured you on the virtues of living in a nudist colony? When was the last time you went to the deli at the supermarket and the butcher talked your ear off about how great it was to be a vegetarian? When you stop to think about it, all of the attacks and arguments against Planned Parenthood begin to break down.

Planned Parenthood does great work, necessary work. They will give you free or cheap condoms and birth control. They will give you free or cheap STD testing. I understand if you believe having an abortion is wrong, but all I ask is that you understand other people don’t believe that abortions are wrong. Planned Parenthood provides a vital health service to so many people who would otherwise not have access to this kind of health care, and it would be a shame if they were unable to keep providing this service because so many people got caught up in the hype, in the irrational attacks on Planned Parenthood.

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True Colors Conference

Posted on March 14, 2011 by kkailas

So this weekend, the Hartford Action Plan and its intrepid staff travelled to Storrs, CT for the 18th annual True Colors Conference to learn how to better serve our LGBTQ community. We took a lot of workshops, networked with a bunch of great people, and learned a ton, (ask me about shrimping) but the thing that was most striking to me was the energy of the students who were there. To see these kids be themselves, without fear of being bullied, to be proud of who they were and not have to hide it, and to see that they were not alone in the world, there was in fact many other people, their own age, who felt the same way they did, who went through the same struggles, you truly got a sense of relief and ecstasy from the students.

While our country continues to struggle with the issues of racism, class-ism, sexism, and homophobia, True Colors is a beacon (rainbow?) of light for all those who feel alone and ostracized in their own communities. This Poster is encouraged that the idea of  “I’ll be me and you be you” (as quoted by one of the straight students at the conference) will continue to spread as more and more people attend conferences like this one.

I don’t think there’s a single person who grows up never being bullied. But its nice to know you aren’t alone. There is strength in numbers and you felt the power of that strength this weekend at True Colors.

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